Don't Fake The Funk

Resignation Letter

To Mr. Names With-held AKA the Devil & his minions,

     Thank you very much for the opportunity to cheat customers and lie to co-workers at Khan Auto and USA Autopark. With not much discerning and even less regret I will be ending my torturous tenure in your wicked service. I believe that there is much to learn about this business here, such as lying to customers, cheating them of their money and screwing your employees just so that you can go to Mohican Sun for the Thanksgiving weekend while I wallow in poverty, and I consider myself lucky to have had the opportunity to witness first-hand such devilry.

     However, I have had increasing difficulty agreeing with business practices here, you fuckin’ cheap-ass motherfuckers, particularly with regards to the timeliness of receiving my earned pay – as in you should have paid me what you owe me. At this juncture in my career, other more wholesome and less depraved opportunities have arisen that suit my goals more appropriately such as finding the Covenant home world and destroying their threat to humanity once and for all (editor's note: That's a Halo 2 reference, naturally).

     Again, thank you for the opportunity, and I wish you all good luck with destroying the trust of your employees and good corrupt and dishonest business in the coming holidays. Not that you celebrate Christmas or Chanukah you freakin’ scrooges.

     Sincerely,
     Glenn Earl Gaerlan, Master Chief

(Editor's Note: Words in italics were omitted from the actual resignation letter.)

Posted by glenn at November 30, 2004 03:00 PM