Don't Fake The Funk

Encountering Americans On America's Day

Yesterday, July 4th, Beth, my family, and I celebrated my grandmother's 93d birthday at a Benihana's in Menlo Park, NJ. After the meal, I waited for Beth as she went to powder her nose, while the rest of the family started filing out of the building, so we were separated a bit from the rest of our group. As Beth, Tita Caroline, and I walked toward the exit I saw Weng and Tita Vivien holding open the double doors for this really tall, really heavy-set woman who was walking into the restaurant.

It was a bit of an odd sight, and not just because two comparatively diminutive Filipino women were flanking a lumbering giant. The lady walking in was angry, and she was walking directly through the middle of the group of my family members with her elbows out as though she was trying to cause a collision.

At first I thought nothing of it, and I turned to officially introduce Tita Caroline to Beth. Then I heard the lady turn and say to no one in particular, "They think they own the place! They didn't even bother to move out of the way!" That got me a bit upset, because she said the word "they" with the connotation that she was referring to our group as a minority. Racism. Ah well, what does it matter? Grandma made it to 93.

But the lady said it again, this time to her husband. "They think they own the place!"

So of course, I had to say something. I told her, "You could have gotten out of the way."

Then she said, in the most annoying southern Jersey wannabe-Brooklyn New York accent ever, "Why? You people think you own the place."

I responded, "Apparently so do you. Is your name last name Benihana?"

Then the lady's husband tried to stare me down as he said, "Mind your own business."

The dude was about 6'4" and a good 275 lbs. It was all fat, though. "It is my business. That's my grandmother your wife almost knocked over."

Then the woman, who, by the way, was the same exact size and shape as her husband, repeated, "You people think you own the place!"

I was like, can't she think of something else to say? Then it dawned on me that I was having a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. So I said, "Have a nice time. Try the shrimp."

This country, although great, is full of people like the couple I encountered yesterday. The majority of Americans that I know really believe that they are owed something by the non-whites living here. A lot of you won't agree with me, but I grew up here and I've experienced more racism and bigotry than you would think is possible in this day and age.

I mentioned the altercation with the fat white lady to our group as we stood outside taking pictures and Weng said, "I guess she was really hungry."

What would Jesus do? He probably would have handled it much better than I did. But for sure that fat white lady wouldn't have tried to knock down Jesus' 93 year-old grandmother.

Posted by glenn at July 5, 2005 10:32 AM