Don't Fake The Funk

QoTD Theft

This is a great question from today's Halfalien QoTD site (author: Vassili). I thought I'd repeat it here just to see how you guys would answer.

What t-shirt you own (or have owned) gives you the biggest case of nostalgia?

Don't be shy. Answer the damn question.

My Crack

I didn't bring my camera with me today because I wasn't going anywhere but Woodside. And everyone knows Woodside is in Queens, and there's nothing to take photos of in Queens*, especially in the rain. Or so I would think. In the past two hours, however, I've been faced with no less than eight different photo opportunities. And here I am fiending for my camera. It sucks.

My camera is my crack-cocaine.

Even More Conversation Snippets

Makes Sense

Glenn: Yo, you smoked a whole pack of cigarettes in 24 hours?
Ace: Well... cuz I had a softball game this morning.
Glenn: .... oh.

Equilibrium

Silvia: Whoa!
Glenn: You're the only person I know that can lose her balance sitting down.
Silvia: It's because my butts aren't even.
Glenn: How many you got?

She's In Astoria

Glenn: Yo, we're at Dunkin Donuts. Where you at?
Teena: I'm in Astoria.
Glenn: The heck you doin' in Astoria?
Teena: I'm in Astoria.
Glenn: I heard you the first time. What are you doing all the way over there?
Teena: I'm in Astoria.
Glenn: Are you getting some or something?
Teena: I'm in Astoria.

More Convo Snippets

Because, you know, I have the most interesting freakin' conversations in the world. Not.

Dissed

Glenn: So do you think in English or in Tagalog?
Cristina: I think in Tagalog. Don't you?
Glenn: I'm not sure. I think I think in pictures, not words.
Cristina: Maybe you don't think at all?

No Really, I Couldn't

Hanna: jehy!
Glenn: Is that Arabic?
Hanna: NoI mnea "hey." sro=ry im' abit lit rgiht nbow.
Glenn: Nice. I couldn't tell.

Late

Glenn: Women have been making men late since time began. It's tradition.
Simone: Perhaps, but you don't have any proof.
Glenn: That's the great thing about tradition. You don't really need proof.
Simone: Lies!
Glenn: I'll walk into work and they'll ask, "Yo G, why you late man?"
Simone: uh huh...
Glenn: And I'll just shake my head and half-smile and go, "Chicks, man. Chicks."
Simone: *snort*
Glenn: Then they'll go, "Aaah." Then we'll spend an hour on a cigarette break.
Simone: An hour? Slackers.
Glenn: Such is the way of the world, my dear.

Animal I Am

I've come to the realization that I'm just an animal that happens to be able to speak. When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. My life at this point consists of me satisfying my basic desires and instincts with the most minimal expenditure of energy.

I've never been happier.

Brothers

Teena: The only person who can help me with my resume is my brother. He's the only one I know in media.
Glenn: So is he helping you, or is he being reticent?
Teena: He's helping me, but it's not really helping.
Glenn: That's what brothers are for.
...
Glenn: You know, Ace and I are like that: willing to help, but ultimately useless.
Teena: Very true.

Slanguages

Me: Hoy.
Candy: Hoy ka rin, kuya Glenn
Me: If I was playing basketball how would I say "BJ is on fire?"
Candy: Na sa apoy ni BJ... No wait na susunog.
Me: That wouldn't sound right yelling that while playing basketball. How's this? "Ma init ang kamay ni Jordan ngayon."
Candy: That terminology doesn't translate well, kasi in tagalog people will just take it literally.
Me: Well I'll be the first to say it that way!
Candy: Hey that girl in green looks like she's related to Ate Bee.
Me: Yeah she reminds me of Bee and her sisters. Very polite and refined.
Candy: Yeah! I feel so improper eating in front of them. Ate Bee eats grapes very slooooowly.
Me: Indanganos kami, eh. We eat fast and with our hands.
Candy: Oo nga eh! Eh kahit naman sa Manila, ganun.
Me: Indang na sa bahay! (translation: Indang in da house!)
Candy: LOL!!
Me: Oh wait, it's like: Indang na sa bahizzay!
Candy: Hah, I never thought of using the "fo shizzle ma nizzle" language with Tagalog.

The Dunk!

Obviously, my ina anak (godson) takes after me. But you gotta admit, he's got some good genes so I'm sure his actual parents have something to do with his athleticism.

My Memory Sucks

I had this whole treatise on the definition of enlightenment and how it relates to the basic essence of human nature knocking around in my head for the last few days and this morning I was going to type it all up and post it on this weblog.

But then I had breakfast and I forgot everything. Oooh I hate that.

Tra La La

Yeah so I joined this choir that's gonna be singing at St. Patrick's Cathedral for a Filipino mass in a couple of weeks. Looks like all those nights at karaoke bars and all that practice with Magic Mics is gonna pay off. G money's going big time.

Eh, well, not really. Like I said it's a Filipino mass for San Lorenzo Ruiz, the first and only Filipino saint. So all the songs we're singing are in Tagalog. Pretty cool right? Except... I really can't speak Tagalog all that well. The rest of the choir can, so it'll be pretty easy spotting my voice. I'll be the dude mispronouncing everything. Pretty darn exciting isn't it? If you go, buy some poster paper and make signs to support me. Like "I Know The Fil-Am Dude In The Barong" or "Shhh!" or "Don't Quit Your Day Job, G-Man."

Oh right, I don't have a day job. Hah!

Anyway, in other news...

Went to church today, and you know how I have a soft spot for people that can sing. Well the woman that sat next to me at mass today completely and utterly melted the whole right side of my body starting from my ears down to my knee -- which very nearly buckled from the sound of her voice. Needless to say it's very hard to concentrate on God when one side of your body is going "Wow!" and the other side of your body has taken on the consistency of room-temperature Jell-O.

She did that to me a couple of weeks ago, too, except it was the other side of my body that turned to mush.

--

Candy: Kuya Glenn, do you still have insomnia?
K'Glenn: Yeah a little bit. But I've been going to church every day lately, so it helps.
Candy: I take that to mean you're bored? Oh I'm soooo going to Hell for that one!

Three Pictures

My Hair

I'm letting it grow out and MAN IS IT ANNOYING. Truth be told, it's still pretty short but still, compared to when I was last completely bald (by choice), it's grown about a thousand percent. (You wise-ass mathematicians out there are saying, "But zero times a thousand is still zero." Freakin wise-asses.) My goal is to resist cutting my hair for at least another month, but I don't think I'm gonna make it.

Star Wars!!!!

THE trilogy... is.... almost... here. In one week I will be in a galaxy far, far away.

The Strangest Dream

I had a strange dream last night that I slapped a young redheaded teenager with freckles and wearing a blue shirt twice in the face because he insulted my mother. It was strange because the second time I slapped him I knew I did something wrong and that the cops were going to come and take me to jail. In my dream I was worried and crying. For some reason I took two showers and my dad told my mother and she started yelling at me in tagalog saying, "Bakit ka mag shower na naman? They are coming to take you to jail at 8am tomorrow morning."

What the heck does this mean?

Well I know why it was a white kid I dreamt about. While on the 4:30am ferry last night, Mark Causapin and I got spit on by a white guy (he was drinking water and his friend made him laugh and he spit it out and Mark and I just happened to be in his way) and I got really mad and started cursing. I think I said something like, "Motherfucker why don't you fuckin' swallow that shit like your sister did last night. Great, now I fuckin' got mono and shit." I was ready to take him and his seven guido friends out. Mark reacted a lot more Christian-like than I did. All he said was, "Oh my God," wiped up, and then just let it roll over him, while I was all ready to find out how many honkey teeth I could knock out before they beat me up. Mark had it right, of course, and I'm a big violent asshole. Or rather, I could have been if he wasn't there to show me how to just let it go.

Needless to say I took about seventeen showers the second I got home.

Insomnia & Bicycles

Here I go with the insomnia again. I think I can't sleep because I'm hungry. Or maybe it's because I went to the gym really late. I dunno. For some reason I keep thinking of bicycles.

Someone suggested to me today that I rent a bike and bike around and stuff. I guess around Manhattan, or maybe all over the city. This would be a cool thing to do and it would give me an opportunity to take pictures with my camera. Of course I haven't ridden a bicycle since grade school and if I recall correctly I used to fall off of it all the time.

Bicycles, to me, are a symbol of those innocent summers when you were a kid, when your greatest concern was getting a splinter and your greatest joy was hearing the ice cream man motor down your block. Remember those days? When the summer heat wasn't so oppressive as it is when you're an adult? When you can jump through the sprinkler as it watered your lawn? Where the rules of the games you played would change on the fly and nobody seemed to mind? When you could pop a wheelie on your dirt bike and everyone thought you were cool?

You could always tell who the cool kids were because their houses always had lots of bikes laying on the ground by their front steps -- the cool kids had all the visitors. You could tell who the tough kids were because their bikes had mud caked all over the wheels.

I don't see many dirt bikes these days. In fact I don't see much dirt. Somehow, I miss the open expanses of half-developed land. I miss daring my friends and my kuya to bike down that steep dirt hill up the block. I miss pretending I was Luke Skywalker on a speeder as I biked through the woods behind my house. Where have all the dirt bikes gone?

Last week I took a picture of a lone dirt bike, laying in the grass, its owner nowhere to be seen. I thought, "wow what a fitting sight to see at the end of summer."

You Learn Something New Every Day

Today I learned never ever fry eggs naked. 'Nuff said.

F E A R L E S S

While not at all embarassed about my faith, it is interesting to note that I never talk about it on this weblog. I also have this tendency to say my pre-meal prayers quickly when having dinner with friends almost as if I don't wish for them to see. This past weekend has made me realize that I feared, to a slight degree, what non-religious people would think about the strength of my own beliefs.

As of today, this has changed.

I believe in God, the Father almighty,
Creator of heaven and earth.

I believe in Jesus Christ, God's only Son, our Lord,
Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,
Born of the Virgin Mary,
Suffered under Pontius Pilate,
Was crucified, died, and was buried;
He descended to the dead.
On the third day He rose again;
He ascended into heaven,
He is seated at the right hand of the Father,
And He will come again to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,
The holy Catholic church,
The communion of saints,
The forgiveness of sins,
The resurrection of the body,
And the life everlasting.

Amen.

Call it what you want, but sometime in the past few months, Purpose has been given to me to do what I can to help the Lord, my Savior, do His work. No longer will I hide who I am -- not who I have become but who I've always been.

Fearless. And what?!

Convention? What Convention?

So everyone and their mama has been complaining about the Republican National Convention but I don't get what all the hullabaloo is about. (Great word, 'hullabaloo' -- right?) I've seen some traffic cones set up on Broadway, and maybe a few more cops than I normally would, but otherwise nothing has been out of the ordinary. I haven't even seen any republicans. Are they even real?

"Wesley, what about the republicans?"
"Rodents of unusual size? I don't think they even exist."

Free prize to whoever (whomever?) can figure out where that (slightly edited) dialogue is from.

I did see some people selling John Kerry flip-flops, though. That was pretty ingenious. At least I think it was ingenious. I don't follow politics closely enough to know whether or not John Kerry actually wears flip-flops.

--

Here's an odd photo that Leah and I saw today in the window of a salon on Roosevelt Ave. Yeah dude. It really does say "armpit whitening."

Wise Words From Baron Harkonnen

"The absence of a thing, this can be as deadly as the presence."