Don't Fake The Funk

Jolly Ranchers... Delivered!

All the way to Neg. Or. just to give Tricia jolly ranchers and tampons. Am I or am I not a good friend? Heh.

Cebu City

Wow.

That's all I can say.

Wow.

Wow.

I'll explain later.

6 Underground

So I was at this place called 6 Underground watching a ska band play, and this dude walks in. He's huge. Built like a boulder with an expression of surprise constantly on his face. Gravelly voice. Mean-looking and quiet.

Waiter: Good evening, sir. Ano gusto mo?
Dude: Crepes!
Waiter: Yes, sir. Anong flavor, sir?
Dude: Peaches!
Waiter: Yes sir.
Dude: Meron ice cream? Vanilla!

Okay you had to be there. It was funny.

Ah, Boracay...

Unrequited

At some point during my trip I realized that I am in love with her, and that I have been since the day I met her. To watch her from afar, to see her at her best: helping people... it was the greatest part of this adventure. I believe we are moving in the same direction, but it's as though we are following the same river on opposite shores. The river seems like a small stream in my eyes, but to her the water is an insurmountable obstacle. And anyway we're afraid of getting wet.

There are no bridges in sight, nor boats to ferry me across this river named Unrequited.

Arrival

Went to a palenke in Ayala today. It's amazing how much better tasting the food is here than in the States. Krystal's who? The bibingka was amazing. The buko was amazing. Unfortunately that market only runs on Saturdays.

I also just got the best haircut of my life and it only cost me $2. I asked the barber, Rene, to skin fade the sides and back and homeboy not only did it perfectly, he also used a straight razor. So the sides and back of my head are smooth. I'm gonna get the guy to straight-razor my entire head after I come back from Boracay.

Got a phone, too. Gonna text.

Glenn: I got a SIM card so I can text people.
Kuya: Cool. So, because of the time-difference, if you sent me a text message, I would receive it ... yesterday.
Glenn: Time travel! The Philippines is awesome!!!

Departure

All the Korean stewardesses look like Asian versions of those ladies from that Simply Irresistable music video.

What makes people want to travel? Is it instinct or society that dictates it? Are we herd animals instinctually going where the tasty grass is? I suppose society has made it necessary to travel, because people often find jobs far away from where they originated, which necessitates moving, which then necessitates visiting family back home. So why leave at all, I wonder. I think all people think that somewhere else is always better than where they are. The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake. At the moment, I tend to agree. I'm not looking forward to this insanely long flight.

Kuya, that girl that thought you were cute is sitting in front of me on the plane.

So there's this dude in my section of the plane who looks a little suspect. No, he's not Arab. He looks more like a sleezy, greasy version of Indiana Jones minus the whip and the fedora. As I passed him by, he sneered at me. I didn't take offense to it -- he sneered at everyone that passed him by. My only real concern is that his row is next to the emergency exit. In the event that we have to use that exit, I don't want him sneering at me again. I'm liable to pop his inflatable raft just on spite.

Now, onto Seoul. 13 hours and 47 minutes away.

--

Holy shoots. I'm about to smack the jellybeans outta this Korean lady that keeps pushing the back of my chair. She's even propped her foot up on my arm rest a few times. Every time I look back at her she gives me this "What Did I Do?" look.

--

13 hours and 47 minutes later...

Yeah, so I'm in Seoul right now. Kicking Koream Lady survived the trip. I decided to let her live. This keyboard at the internet area has a key that toggles Korean letters on and off. And it's right next to the damn space bar so I keep hitting it. ㅁㄲ호!! Can you tell the long flight has gotten to me?

I gotta wait another two hours for my flight to Manila. Thank goodness I can waste my time on-line writing in my weblog.

Well, I'm Off!

See ya.

Superbowl, The Final Frontier

I had to.
I just had to.

Gay = Cheerleader

Kuya Glenn: So what's she like?
Crislie Bear: Perky. She talks like a cheer leader.
Kuya Glenn: Hmm.
Crislie Bear: Or shall I say, she acts like a gay guy.

When I Get To The Philippines

When I get to the Philippines, I'm going to go to a big mall and tell my cousins to take pictures of me eating at the picnic area and buying socks at Footlocker. When people ask who I am, I'm going to say that I'm the new star of this great new reality TV show that just came out in the States and I guess they haven't got it here yet.

People will talk, rumors will fly, and suddenly I will be offered a real reality TV show based in Manila. Then I'll become famous and I'll be making millions and millions of pesos, which translates to like $20,000 or something. I'll donate it all to charity, and then people will vote for me as mayor of some obscure province in the Visayas. Dauin, maybe.

There they will erect a stone statue of me, and I will discover a vein of gold in the mountains where they were excavating the stone for my statue. I will become insanely rich and meet the sultan of Brunei. We'll hang out and I'll teach his kids how to play basketball, and his harem will teach me some stuff. Then he'll lend me his private plane and I'll island hop all over the Pacific Rim, single-handedly stopping potentially dangerous volcanic eruptions by throwing ice cubes into lava.

While vacationing in Bali, I will be kidnapped by some terrorists. Just before they cut my head off on video, I will escape leaving all the terrorists unconscious, but alive. I will swim toward Manila, and on the way, I will befriend a lonely red-haired mermaid.

No wait. A mermaid? Now that's just being unrealistic.

I Might Be An Alcoholic

I've come to the realization that I drink alcohol a lot more often than I thought. In January alone I have imbibed alcoholic beverages three times. Granted, one instance was for New Years, but still. Let me think. My tally for the month of January goes something like this:

January
• 3 Amstel Lights
• 2 Coronas
• 1 Guinness (in a can... nasty!)
• 6 shots of Jose Cuervo
• 4 Mike's Hard Lemonade

And the other day, I even got drunk. A little bit. Of course, it had something to do with a girl but that's another story for another blog entry. Remember, all that alcohol was taken within 30 days. Also remember, that for the whole year of 2004, I probably drank as much as I did in January of 2005.

But let's not talk about the Summer of 2003, which more than one season. Heh.

Samurai For Christ

Jenn: You're not too intimidating a samurai with that smile.
Hannassey: Eww!! Stop!!
Darrvi: Aaaaahahahahah!
Stephanie: What made you do this?!
Vette: Hilarious!
Jerry: The heck is this? Samurai For Christ?

Hmm, well... not exactly the reactions I was expecting.