Don't Fake The Funk

Knicks?!

G Starbury
G Jamal Crawford
F Q-Rich
F Michael Sweetney
C Channing Frye

With Ariza and Tim Thomas coming off the bench... Oh man I think Isaiah just built Phoenix Suns East. Oh man oh man oh man. Well, I mean... okay, so Starbury doesn't run an offense like Nash and there's nobody Amare-like on the team. But still they can run and at the very least they can beat Atlanta.

I'm excited about an upcoming Knicks season. That hasn't happened in a long long time.

Kubo

A kubo near Kalibo airport. It reminded me of that Corona beer commercial where one of the palm trees lit up with Christmas lights.

Except there were no lights.

And it wasn't Christmas.

And the beer was San Mig, not Corona.

Out-running Bears & Beth's Mom

Two hikers were walking through a forest once when they encountered a large angry bear. They were about to run away when one hiker paused to change his sandals for a pair of sneakers.

"I don't have to out-run the bear," replied the first hiker. "I just need to out-run you."

That joke reflects my theory on dating girls with sisters. You don't have to be the perfect boyfriend. You just have to be slightly better than her sisters' significant others. In this case, even though she is a sweet motherly lady, Beth's mom is the bear and I only have to be a slightly better match for Beth than Noel is for Jeannette and Stephen is for Joli. (Beth's youngest sister is as yet boyfriend-less.)

Keep in mind that Stephen and Noel have a bit of an advantage: they're both Visayan. Plus, Stephen's Chinese and Noel is already married to Jeannette. I told Beth that joke today and asked her how I was doing with impressing her mom compared to her sisters' dudes.

She responded: "You better put on your sneakers."

The Art Of Making Tawad

Greenhills Theatre Mall.
Looking at a cool fake Tag Heuer watch.

"Sir, 2000, sir."
"Hmph."
"For you, balikbayan special price. One-eight."
"Mahal pa rin. Ano'ng last price?"
"One-fibe, sir."
"Ah. Hmm. Babalik agad ako." I start walking away.
"Wait, sir. One-two, so you buy now." I stop.
"'Day, one thousand nalang." 'Day is short for inday. Pronounced 'die.'
"No sir. One-two."
"Hindi na. Salamat." I start walking away again.
"Okay sir. One-one." She says it with a 'you are killing me' expression.
"Sige."

I was all impressed with my haggling skills until my cousin's aunt said she got the same watch for 800 pesos. Damn.

Boracay Shark Tale

So there we were off the coast of Crocodile Island snorkelling with my cousins. We were all having a good time, feeding the fish with bread that we bought at the palengke. The water was so clear that we could see the coral reefs teeming with fish for almost a mile around. Suddenly in the distance we saw an ominous sight: the silhouette of the most feared animal in the ocean... a shark. It was swimming toward us.

To our credit, we didn't really panic. We just started swimming back toward the bangka so we could board and get the heck out of there. But Kuya and Jason were too slow and the shark was moving fast. They were still a few yards away from the boat. I helped Myla and Tess back into the boat and then swam back out to the other guys. Safety in numbers, I was thinking, the shark might not attack if there were a lot of us.

Boy was I wrong.

The shark apparently decided to attack me. But I saw a show on the Discovery channel once where this diver guy punched a shark in the nose and the shark swam away. Of course I didn't really want to let a shark near me so I tried to kick it, but it grabbed hold of my foot. I felt its teeth sink into my big toe. So I reached down and punched the shark in the snout. My knuckles got scratched up but the shark let me go and swam away.

It left three teeth in my toe though. After the doctor pulled them out, she stitched me up, and I kept the teeth. That's why Jason, Kuya, and I have shark-tooth necklaces.

Family Ties

Ray and Monique got married this past Saturday in Alabang. It was a very nice wedding except there was no dancing. It's okay since Ray and Monique don't really dance. Toward the end of the night though, the band played some dance-able music and the first people on the dance floor were -- as always -- my mom and dad. They're really adorable for a pair of oldies.

At the wedding there were four sets of clans. The Yasays and the Basas -- Monique's mom's family and her dad's family. Then there were the Halilis and the Costas. It's no surprise that the loudest and most rowdy contingent were us Costas. Of all the principal sponsors, Mama Alma got the loudest cheer because of us. And the single Costa clanmembers were the most lively table. I think Monique wanted a more elegant wedding but oh well... we had fun.

Boracay is gonna be nuts with all of us there. Heck, the plane ride alone is gonna be nuts... we're all on the same plane!

Yesterday afternoon, my parents, kuya, and I went to Teacher's Village in Quezon City to visit my dad's mom's side of the family, whom he hasn't seen in decades and who, for the most part, I have never met. The first thing Grandma's sister, Auntie Vicky said to me was, "You have the look of a Valdez." Valdez is Grandma's maiden name. Even though I barely know that side of the family, what Auntie Vicky said made me feel proud that I have a connection to my dad's past.

I hope one day to meet my relatives from the Gaerlan clan. It's my official last name, after all. And I hope to learn Ilocano, too.

Ghost Stories

There is this bridge in Indang, between Indang Proper and Mendez, that is legendary for its connection to the super-natural, but exactly what the connection is is a little hard to pin down. Within my family alone there are three different stories going around about that bridge and everyone who has a story about it tells me their story is the true one.

The first story about that bridge is from my cousin Candy Halili. She says that when she was a kid living in the Philippines, there was a huge accident on the bridge. A car collided with the railing and fell over killing all the passengers. She claims that she was in a car with her family just behind the car that crashed. So now, whenever they pass over the bridge they honk the horn to ask the ghosts of the passengers to allow them to pass.

The second story is from Shin Costa's wife. She says that on January 6, 1972, a bus full of pilgrims from Baclaran going to a fiesta tipped over and landed on its roof killing all the passengers save one baby. According to her, workers from Indang helped recover the bodies and dumped them over the bridge to get rid of them. So now, whenever they pass over the bridge, Shin and his wife honk the horn to ask the ghosts to allow them to pass. I was actually in their car when we passed over that bridge last night and Shin beeped several times and his wife said, "Just beep once." I figure it's because she doesn't want to wake up the ghosts.

The third story is from Jason Molina. He says a white lady stands on the bridge and tries to throw rocks at you, or she tries to make you hit her with your car so that she can pass through the car doors and sit in the back seat of your car. That's why when you pass over the bridge, you have to honk your horn so the white lady gets out of the way.

I don't know which story is most accurate, but I know that my family and I have passed over that bridge several times already (it's the most direct route to Tagaytay) and we beeped the horn every single time.

Good thing my car is in NYC. The horn is broken.

Indang

Well it turns out that for the past couple of weeks that I haven't been able to spend any time in Manila, except for a couple of day-trips to Ayala Alabang where Ray and Monique are.

I thought that I wouldn't like it so much, but it turns out that I'm having a really great time. My family here is so awesome. They are, of course, of limited means financially, but they give so much of their time and their love that it more than makes up for everything. I can spend the whole day with my Lola's youngest sister, Lola Cally, because she's a natural comedienne. I'm constantly laughing whenever she's around.

An advantage of being here in Indang, Cavite, as opposed to Manila is my Tagalog is getting much much better. Beth will probably not be happy to hear, though, that my Cebuano is deteriorating because there are no Cebuano here.

Except for one of our maids, Regine. She's Visayan. But she disappeared. The story of why she disappeared is really funny. One night, she was eating dinner with us and she said she was just going to get some water. She got up and walked to the backyard to where the converted dirty-kitchen is (where the maids sleep, it was converted into what looks like a college dorm room) but she never came back. Another maid, Salve, went to look for her and found that she was gone and that she had used up all the load on Salve's cellphone to call her boyfriend to pick her up. Regine left all her stuff so she was probably coming back, but Tita Ado and Tita Alma don't want her coming back. I don't think Salve really minds because we're totally over-paying her while we're staying here.

Yeah, so no Visayan speakers here.

Tita Ado has a small sari-sari store here which means I have an unlimited supply of Boy Bawang! We named the cat Boy Bawang. I think Tita Alma's dog Kerry finds the cat attractive but we don't allow interspecies relationships here. And anyway the cat is a girl.

My mom, after 32 years, has finally come home and like I predicted, is regretting not coming home more often. I haven't seen my mom so energetic in a while. She sleeps late and wakes up early just so she can walk around the neighborhood that she grew up in. It's really nice to see. She and my dad aren't even really affected much by the heat or humidity. Mom's been talking about retiring here.

For me, I love it here too. I will move back home one day soon.

Black People In Indang

Something funny just happened. Candy and I are in an internet cafe in Indang and this Nigerian guy walked in. Just before he did, Candy was asking me if there really are black people in Indang. So just to make her look, without being obvious I said, "Look, they are over there" as I pointed toward the Nigerian. She looked.... and so did everyone else.

Candy and I laughed like crazy.